Archive - February 2013

Do Not Awaken Love: Emotional Boundaries
Do Not Awaken Love
But I Deserve It!
Ruth: Replacing Superficial with Substance

Do Not Awaken Love: Emotional Boundaries


Dating, on one level, is very intellectual. You can write out your relationship and your boundaries and define what dating means. You can control most of that. But our emotions are very dangerous because they are very difficult to control. They can cloud our judgment.

Surely I’m not the only one who has experienced these moments of irrational responses. You know, when it’s 10:00 p.m., your husband has gone to bed, and you are peering into an oven that has thoroughly burnt the bread you were counting on. And here come the waterworks.

Or when I wake up from a horrible dream in which my husband, cleverly nicknamed “Dream Kevin” has been yelling and screaming at me in this nightmare. When I wake up, I am then beyond angry at him – for something he never did!

Women, more so than men, have emotional reactions to situations. We may not even realize that it’s happening. Women tend to be very concerned about other people’s feelings. We tend to sympathize intuitively. We want everyone to stay happy. We want to nurture everyone and everything around us – even inanimate stuffed animals.

So when Kevin and I started dating, he had no clue what an emotional boundary should look like between us. Quite frankly, at first, neither did I. But here are a few from the list we compiled together.

– Kevin did not need to be the first person I ran to with all my news – whether good or bad.

– I needed to preserve a good chunk of time dedicated to hanging out with my friends.

– I needed to feel free to tell Kevin how I felt – whether good or bad.

– I didn’t need him to know everything.

When you are dating, it’s easy to want to pour your entire life out to them – including how you feel at every moment of the day. But I needed to maintain a healthy balance between a dating relationship and a friend relationship. I didn’t want to become  dependent on Kevin’s response to my every feeling.

One reason we need emotional boundaries is to remind ourselves to cry out to the Lord – not to a man – for help.

Romans 8:26 is a good reminder that the Lord can do more than just sympathize with our emotions, He can understand them:

In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings.

In a dating relationship? Pray about your emotional boundaries. Not in a dating relationship? Make certain you have some of these same boundaries in your friendships. Everyone needs to take their emotions – both of joy and sorrow – to the Lord. 

Do Not Awaken Love


Kevin and I started dating three years ago this month. Within our first week as “girlfriend and boyfriend,” he told me that we needed to discuss something very important. We sat at a table in the middle of our university’s cafeteria and he told me that we needed to be certain to set boundaries in our relationship. That was no problem for me – I was completely supportive of verbalizing our boundaries. But then he said something really strange to me – he said we needed to talk about all three categories of boundaries.

Woah Woah Woah. Three? How are there three categories of boundaries? I really and truly was stumped.

Kevin patiently explained to me that the three categories of boundaries are: physical, spiritual, and emotional. He told me to take a week to think through and pray about our boundaries and that we would reconvene to discuss them.

I knew I needed professional help! So I did what I encourage everyone in a dating relationship to do – I sought out an accountability partner that was at least a step ahead of me in the process.

Last week at youth group, on Valentine’s Eve, Kevin divided the genders so that we could talk about dating relationships.

I had the opportunity to dialogue with the girls in our youth group about these three categories of relationships.

We used a quote as well as a Bible verse to frame our mindset for this topic.

“How much better it is to grow the tree straight when it is young than try to straighten a bent tree when it is old.”

and we used this Bible verse

“Do not stir or awaken love until the appropriate time.” – Song of Solomon 2:7 and 3:5

My next three blogs will be the outpouring of both this conversation with Kevin as well as the outline from my Wednesday night talk. Check back to get the full story!

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But I Deserve It!


I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.  I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need.” – Philippians 4:11-12

As I scroll through my Facebook homepage this morning, I am once again reminded that the tornado that hit Union happened five years ago. We commemorate this anniversary not to mark another emotional day in our lives but to celebrate the protection and power that our God provides.

As a student body, we learned many lessons that semester – the power of prayer, the passion for community, and the necessity of flexibility. When I reflect on the weeks following February 5th, I am reminded of one chapel in particular.

Forgive me, I don’t remember the chapel speaker’s name or even what church he was from, I simply remember one word: ENTITLEMENT.

Simply put, entitlement is feeling like you deserve something even when you don’t. The speaker warned us that even though we had suffered tremendous losses, we needed to guard our hearts and thoughts against feeling like we deserved all the donations that we received.

And yet today, it is still hard to remind ourselves of the importance of being in content in what we have – or even more so – what we don’t have.

But the apostle Paul uses himself as an example of how we should strive to think – that whether all is well or whether all is falling apart, he knows how to be content.

Even five years after the tornado, I need God to remind me that whether Kevin and I have plenty or whether we don’t, He is in control and will provide exactly what we need. He is the same faithful God that He showed Himself to be five years ago, and for that, I say thank you, Lord.

Ruth: Replacing Superficial with Substance

Cover photo

On this, the first day of February, I have the privilege to make this announcement: I have my first book published and ready to be purchased.

It is a four week in-depth look at the book of Ruth geared toward middle and high school aged females. But trust me, ladies of all ages need to be reminded of the truths that God reveals in this book of Scripture.

This Bible study uses the romance between Ruth and Boaz to point young women to the steadfast love that God has for us. After studying through all four weeks in this book, you will have taken an in-depth look at how we as women of the faith need to replace superficial attitudes and actions with substance. Reflect on subjects such as your relationship with God, the words that you use, as well as your diligence toward work. It includes a leader section to help facilitate small group sessions.

Did you make a New Years Resolution to maintain a regular quiet time this year? Did you decide that this will be the year that you and your daughter read Scripture together? Do you want to learn more about Ruth?

You can purchase your copy here. For group discounts, contact me at [email protected]

You can click here to write a review.

Thank you to all of you who helped make this possible! May the God who walked among us get the glory!

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